I wasn't worried in the first place, because I like being with you, otherwise I wouldn't have pushed for answers yesterday. But are you deciding to-- break up because you don't like me anymore? Are you going monogamous with Jing Yuan? Am I-- boring? Or not enough...? I don't understand what's going on.
This is absolutely not a hallucination! If you expect me to just-- sit here, and write off all the times you'd hurt me, or bitten me, or fucked me or all the sweet things you'd done and said despite that-- just because you're having some sort of breakdown--
[ Gripping the stone, but leaning close, her shoulders trembling and her mouth set in a tight frown. ]
You do know I was just using you, right? I did not mean any of it... [He trails off, face softening, turning to look at her, hesitant and sad in a way that makes him look like he's about to cry.] Go. You deserve better. You deserve a world that sees you more than a sacrifice. You deserve...
-- I don't have that luxury any more than you have the luxury of curing your mara.
[ Seething, but it twists in a way that looks more close to angry tears, when he turns to give her that face. The pushes herself into the water, standing, fists trembling.
Maybe he was using her. Maybe he was right, and he didn't care for her at all, but saying it with that face made her as angry as anything ever has. Maybe he was using her, and that was fine, but he doesn't get to tell her that she didn't want this. ]
You don't get to decide whether or not I deserve you! Why-- when I finally decided to allow myself to be selfish do you act like-- like this? You are a terrible, terrible liar, and I won't allow you to treat me this way!
What happened? What did he tell you to make you think this way? Who?
Why would someone I hunted for centuries, whose life I ruined, want to be my betrothed? Why would someone whose life I'd destroyed, simply because he inhabited my body next, want to stay with me?
Why would someone who I'd hurt over and over again, never learning, want to share in my miseries? [He looks down, and away, holding one hand to his temple.] So you see. It was a lie; to you; to them, to myself, for a happiness I had never sowed. Kaine was right. [Mumbling.] I did not think I would hallucinate you this angry.
Because they love you, despite your awful behaviour, and because I--
[ She pauses. Kaine, huh.
Grits her teeth. Then circles around him to grab his shoulders, firm, to push him back against the stone. ]
Clearly there is something deeply wrong with me to care about you, after all you'd done to me and others I care about, and maybe it's just the way this place brings others together after they'd been deeply hurt. But your attention, and your touch, and when you are kind and soft and when you cared for me when I was low and unwilling to leave the bed-- all of it I wanted. All of it made me happy.
If this was nothing but a lie, or an illusion, that is the greatest hurt you could give me right now. Look at me and tell me I'm not real, touching you right now.
[He curls his fingers tentatively around her wrists, petting down the length of her arm gingerly, hands retreating to rest on hers, where they're over his shoulders.]
I don't know. I can't tell. I have lost myself in these fugues for decades at a time. [He sounds frightened.] I had your scarf, I slept with it, and you lingered like a dream. You had freckles like a constellation on your shoulders. I saw a rabbit and I wanted to tell you about it. I - tell me something only us would know. A secret.
[ ahh... she softens a bit, exhaling. And for a long moment she's lost in thought. ]
... Back in the beginning, Aphelios ate a piece of you when he was afflicted with terrible hunger. He told me that night, because I was worried for him.
When we went to the hospital for my task, you got bitten in the shoulder, and we were both feverish the whole night despite-- sleeping together.
When you tried to stop me from searching for Sett and Aphelios when they disappeared, I bit you on the chest, because I couldn't reach anywhere else. You called me a monster. I'm still sorry for that.
[He lifts a hand to press over where she's bit him- it's bruising spectacularly, thanks to her blunt teeth - but he can feel the ache when he presses down.]
If I was dreaming, this would have healed already. [Murmured, before reaching out to cup her jaw, stroking her cheek.] You're real... and you've decided to stay with me...?
[He cants his head to the side, like a puppy, the disbelief cut with a smile.] You're so stupid.
[There's a little of his arrogance back, still fragile, but he finally relaxes in her hold. Dan Feng tips her chin up, presses a kiss between her eyebrows.]
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Re: Day 27 / late
Re: Day 27 / late
I wasn't worried in the first place, because I like being with you, otherwise I wouldn't have pushed for answers yesterday. But are you deciding to-- break up because you don't like me anymore? Are you going monogamous with Jing Yuan? Am I-- boring? Or not enough...? I don't understand what's going on.
Re: Day 27 / late
I've already told the General the same thing. I'd - hallucinated. That we were together. That we were to be wed. Like Dan Heng...
Re: Day 27 / late
This is absolutely not a hallucination! If you expect me to just-- sit here, and write off all the times you'd hurt me, or bitten me, or fucked me or all the sweet things you'd done and said despite that-- just because you're having some sort of breakdown--
[ Gripping the stone, but leaning close, her shoulders trembling and her mouth set in a tight frown. ]
-- You are not leaving me. Not for this.
Re: Day 27 / late
You do know I was just using you, right? I did not mean any of it... [He trails off, face softening, turning to look at her, hesitant and sad in a way that makes him look like he's about to cry.] Go. You deserve better. You deserve a world that sees you more than a sacrifice. You deserve...
Re: Day 27 / late
[ Seething, but it twists in a way that looks more close to angry tears, when he turns to give her that face. The pushes herself into the water, standing, fists trembling.
Maybe he was using her. Maybe he was right, and he didn't care for her at all, but saying it with that face made her as angry as anything ever has. Maybe he was using her, and that was fine, but he doesn't get to tell her that she didn't want this. ]
You don't get to decide whether or not I deserve you! Why-- when I finally decided to allow myself to be selfish do you act like-- like this? You are a terrible, terrible liar, and I won't allow you to treat me this way!
What happened? What did he tell you to make you think this way? Who?
Re: Day 27 / late
Why would someone who I'd hurt over and over again, never learning, want to share in my miseries? [He looks down, and away, holding one hand to his temple.] So you see. It was a lie; to you; to them, to myself, for a happiness I had never sowed. Kaine was right. [Mumbling.] I did not think I would hallucinate you this angry.
Re: Day 27 / late
[ She pauses. Kaine, huh.
Grits her teeth. Then circles around him to grab his shoulders, firm, to push him back against the stone. ]
Clearly there is something deeply wrong with me to care about you, after all you'd done to me and others I care about, and maybe it's just the way this place brings others together after they'd been deeply hurt. But your attention, and your touch, and when you are kind and soft and when you cared for me when I was low and unwilling to leave the bed-- all of it I wanted. All of it made me happy.
If this was nothing but a lie, or an illusion, that is the greatest hurt you could give me right now. Look at me and tell me I'm not real, touching you right now.
Re: Day 27 / late
I don't know. I can't tell. I have lost myself in these fugues for decades at a time. [He sounds frightened.] I had your scarf, I slept with it, and you lingered like a dream. You had freckles like a constellation on your shoulders. I saw a rabbit and I wanted to tell you about it. I - tell me something only us would know. A secret.
Re: Day 27 / late
... Back in the beginning, Aphelios ate a piece of you when he was afflicted with terrible hunger. He told me that night, because I was worried for him.
When we went to the hospital for my task, you got bitten in the shoulder, and we were both feverish the whole night despite-- sleeping together.
When you tried to stop me from searching for Sett and Aphelios when they disappeared, I bit you on the chest, because I couldn't reach anywhere else. You called me a monster. I'm still sorry for that.
Re: Day 27 / late
If I was dreaming, this would have healed already. [Murmured, before reaching out to cup her jaw, stroking her cheek.] You're real... and you've decided to stay with me...?
[He cants his head to the side, like a puppy, the disbelief cut with a smile.] You're so stupid.
Re: Day 27 / late
[ She exhales a bit, leaning into his hand. ]
Not as stupid as you? Let's at least give it more than a day before you decide I'm that easy to dump. Okay?
Re: Day 27 / late
I thought you would have let go. You are nothing like I have expected.
Re: Day 27 / late
... Why would I do that. You have a lot to learn about me.
Re: Day 27 / late
[There's a little of his arrogance back, still fragile, but he finally relaxes in her hold. Dan Feng tips her chin up, presses a kiss between her eyebrows.]
... why are you wearing clothes?
Re: Day 27 / late
There's still a bit of a tremble to her, now that the adrenaline has died down some. ]
I didn't exactly plan to come in here. Why are you wearing clothes?
Re: Day 27 / late
[What kind of disrespectful person would wear - he looks down on himself.]
Oh. [Frowning.] I am not entirely sure I am not dreaming. [A hand crawls up her head to - pinch one of her ears.]
Re: Day 27 / late
You're definitely not dreaming. But I get you're out of sorts...
Re: Day 27 / late
This will not be the last time this happens. There will be more times that I am- disoriented. You can just hit me unconscious if you want.
Re: Day 27 / late
[ Grumbles at the poke, but just settles in to rest against him. ]
You're still stronger than me on average, so I'm not going to be stupid enough to hit you without cause.