My relationship with Silfda is one thing, but-- up until very... very recently it was... mostly, um, sexual? If there was someone you wanted to... do those things with, I wouldn't deny you. It... that sort of thing requires... some measure of trust, for me, but I wouldn't hold you to the same sort of rules. And I don't want to stop you from... pursuing whatever relationships with other people would satisfy you, either.
[ ... and looks away, awkwardly, more than a little self-conscious. ]
... on top of that I don't-- know if I'm, um. Able to satisfy someone, like that? S... so I wouldn't want to... disappoint you.
No-- I'm not even Silfda's to begin with. But I said I wouldn't... do those things with her, anymore. Because I want this.
It's complicated for me because I don't--
[ hesitates, settling her hands on his shoulders again, her voice a little tight-- thick? like she's kind of trying to hold in tears or something. ]
She-- said she... loved me. Not the way she says it to anyone, but-- the way that... matters, and I-- nobody's-- I've... I don't think anybody's ever said that to me before. I don't even know if I'm capable of... loving someone. Even if I wanted to, I don't know if I can... give her that.
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[ pulls back a little to look at him. ]
... really nobody?
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[ goes red, hesitating, but continues on ]
My relationship with Silfda is one thing, but-- up until very... very recently it was... mostly, um, sexual? If there was someone you wanted to... do those things with, I wouldn't deny you. It... that sort of thing requires... some measure of trust, for me, but I wouldn't hold you to the same sort of rules. And I don't want to stop you from... pursuing whatever relationships with other people would satisfy you, either.
[ ... and looks away, awkwardly, more than a little self-conscious. ]
... on top of that I don't-- know if I'm, um. Able to satisfy someone, like that? S... so I wouldn't want to... disappoint you.
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This is the only time I have ever been interested in another person.
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... ever? I--
Why me?
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but takes a hand back, settled softly against his cheek. ]
I said I wanted this. ... I want to be yours.
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You two have something so complicated that you bring it up in the talks of a relationship.
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No-- I'm not even Silfda's to begin with. But I said I wouldn't... do those things with her, anymore. Because I want this.
It's complicated for me because I don't--
[ hesitates, settling her hands on his shoulders again, her voice a little tight-- thick? like she's kind of trying to hold in tears or something. ]
She-- said she... loved me. Not the way she says it to anyone, but-- the way that... matters, and I-- nobody's-- I've... I don't think anybody's ever said that to me before. I don't even know if I'm capable of... loving someone. Even if I wanted to, I don't know if I can... give her that.
... but I want-- to try. With you.
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What does this mean?
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Because I-- I thought-- you should know, if she loves me. She's important to me, just-- not in the same way you are.
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instantly clings to him, limp with relief, burying her face in the fluff of his cloak, voice a little shaky. ]
S-sorry-- sorry, thank you-- sorry--
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I do not understand these apologies or appreciations, but if you have more tears to shed do go ahead and let it out.
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Do you need something to eat or drink? I was thinking of making food.
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eventually she pulls back, eyes a little red but otherwise doesn't seem much like she cried at all, if not for her being a bit quieter than usual. ]
If... if it's okay, with you--? I don't want to overstay my welcome.
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[ a little dazed actually, what. ]
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[standing up from the bed, pulling off his overcoat because at least he has half a mind to know he shouldn't prepare to cook in this]
I often never any, of course.
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